Never give Sherlock your Number
by ellieboots2810
Summary: Multiple texts between Sherlock and Characters. Just some fun and Sherlock being the tactless, clueless, oblivious detective we all love. How I'd imagine their conversations would go ...


'John, wake up! - SH'

'John! - SH'

'John, wake up, it's important! - SH'

'Sherlock, it's 3AM. This _better_ be bloody important!'

'I'm bored. - SH'

…

'John? - SH'

'I'm going to kill you!'

'Oh please. More capable people than you have tried and failed. - SH'

'Text me one more time Sherlock and I swear I'll tell Mrs Hudson you blew up the microwave!'

'Goodnight. - SH'

SHERLOCK

'Just checking up on where you are in the case. If you've got any new information, message me ASAP - Greg'

'David Fraser, 48 years old. Murdered the victim with a pen knife, which he dropped before coming back and picking up again approximately half an hour before the police were called. Currently living on Greenwich High Road. Divorced twice, no children. Best chance of finding him is either his house or the Kings Head pub down the road where he goes for a drink on a Monday and Friday. - SH'

'How the hell did you figure all that out in the last three minutes?! - Greg'

'I didn't. I knew two days ago. - SH'

'The why the hell didn't you tell me?! - Greg'

'You didn't ask. You normally ask. - SH'

'I've literally just asked you! - Greg'

'Yes, but you didn't before. I suggest, next time, you don't forget to ask me when at the crime scene, Graeme. - SH'

'It's Greg, Sherlock! I put my name at the end of every text. How can you possibly figure out murders in seconds but miss my name at the end of a message?! - GREG'

'Not important. - SH'

SHERLOCK

'Tea. - SH'

'Manners, young man'

'Tea. Please. - SH'

'That's better'

'And biscuits. - SH'

'I'm not your housekeeper, Sherlock.'

SHERLOCK

'Where's John? - SH'

'He is on his way. Should be there in five ;)'

'Tell him to hurry up. He's late. Again. - SH'

'He'll get there when he get's there Sherlock.'

'Which will be late. - SH'

'Then I give you permission to provide a fitting punishment for my husband's lateness.'

'Greatly appreciated. - SH'

SHERLOCK

'John said you wanted to use the lab over the weekend? x'

'I need to use your equipment. - SH'

'Sure :) If you need any help with anything, just ask x'

'I don't. - SH'

'Oh. Ok. Well, I can give you the keys tomorrow if I see you? Or I can just give them to John? x'

'I'm busy tomorrow. I'll have John pick them up. - SH'

'Right. x'

...

'Well, I hope you have a nice time tomorrow with whatever you're doing x'

'I will. - SH'

'Bye Sherlock :) x'

SHERLOCK

'Mycroft, I need you to buy the present. - SH'

'Sorry, brother mine, but this year is your turn. I did last years. - MH'

'I haven't got time. - SH'

'Nice try. - MH'

'Fine! I haven't got enough money. - SH'

'Money isn't the issue here, Sherlock. We both know that. There is no way you are getting out of this one. - MH'

'What am I supposed to buy her? What do normal people like? - SH'

'I take it the book on dissected animals you bought for John at Christmas didn't go down too well? - MH'

'Back to the point. - SH'

'Buy her some sort of plant or accessory. - MH'

'We both know Mummy hates accessories. - SH'

'Then buy her a card and a box of chocolates! For goodness sake Sherlock, it's not that difficult. - MH'

'Birthday's are so pointless. - SH'

'I know, brother mine. But the Goldfish we live around disagree. - MH'

SHERLOCK

'He's wrong. The lie detector was wrong, and so is he. The man has been falsely accused! - SH'

'I knew leaving you with the remote was a bad idea.'

'It's so obvious! How could they miss it! - SH'

'Sherlock, I will be back in 10 minutes. Just hang tight and try not to throw the TV out of the window.'

'The woman in the red has clearly had an affair with three other men, one of which she was out with two nights ago. Pitiful. - SH'

'Sherlock, it's Jeremy Kyle! It's crap entertainment! Don't treat it like a case. Around 8 minutes away now.'

'Bring cigarettes. - SH'

'No.'

'Why? - SH'

'Because I'm a good friend and I'm helping you, believe it or not.'

'Fine. No cigarettes. - SH'

'Good.'

'But I'll settle for some cocaine if you can get some? - SH'

'Sherlock!'

'What? - SH'

'I am NOT buying you drugs!'

'Why not? - SH'

'Because getting arrested for your benefit isn't exactly on my to-do list for today.'

'Then tomorrow? - SH'

'Sarcasm, Sherlock. That was Sarcasm.'

 **A/N:  
So, I've no idea where this came from ... Just something my brain decided it wanted to write, spontaneously, at 10:30pm. There's not much else to say really ...**

 **Surprise? - Ellie x**


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